Oh, my devoted and loyal readers, all 6 of you. I'm so sorry that I abandoned you in your time of need. I never meant to hurt you nor did I realize how much you enjoyed my witty banter or snarky comments of the cold, bitter truth.
It must be stated first and foremost that I am a cougar. Best Friend Cougar, that is. This term was lovingly coined by one of my very dear and special friends, Mandy Koohi. She is brilliant, clever, gorgeous and has amazing hair. She is also 18 years old. Now before you get all ooooged out, calm down. It is a very normal relationship. Every time I talk with her, I feel like I'm talking to my 18 year old self. Which leads me to this weeks subject-What you don't know, will HURT you. The Freshman Five is the list of life lessons you need to know to get through your late teens and early twenties. Not just get through by the skin of your teeth but triumph in a way that you can shake your fist at the people that are dumber than a box of hair and say "Ha ha-you're dumb and I'm not."
1. Finances-You will always be bitten in the boo-tay by one person and one person alone, the credit card company debt collector. This isn't free money. You qualify for $500 or $1,000 credit card and instantly you are soaring through the aisles of Target buying crap you don't need or buying Chili's for you and your roommate because you don't feel like eating Steak Tar-tar made out of Spam in the dining hall. You don't pay your bill and that $20 dream purchase turns into a $45 nightmare.
2. Education-College IS important. No matter what your head says at 8:00 on a Wednesday morning when you are exhausted from hanging out at the local watering hole for $2 Tuesdays, get up and go to class. When you are so tired that you can't keep your eyes open, gulp coffee and get back to studying. Graduating from college means more than a piece of paper it means you persevered and stuck through all the crap that was thrown your way.
3. Social-Speaking of crap thrown your way, get ready to shovel the proverbial poo. You will get a bad roommate or twelve. You will get a horrible professor. You will get stabbed in the back, SEVERAL times. You will get your heart broken. SEVERAL times. You will make it through all of this, EVERY time. Bad roommates make you more considerate of every one's belongings. Horrible professors teach you that you aren't always right. Back stabbing teaches you to defend yourself. Heart ache teaches you that love, like life, is full of ups and downs.
4. Fashion-Just because you are tired, that is no excuse to go out of your dorm room in your freakin' pajamas. Just because you are single, that is no excuse to leave your room looking like a hooker. Just because you are in a relationship, that is no excuse to only wear a t-shirt and jeans around your significant other. Just because you are fat, that is no excuse to dress like a fat person. Just because you are skinny, that is no reason for us to see your crack from the top of your jeans. Dress nicely people. Do it for yourself. And if not for yourself, do it for me because I don't want to see your ugly outfits.
5. Politics-At the ripe age of 18/19, you slowly start to realize you don't share the same opinions that your parents have. That, coupled with a few courses in higher education, makes you an idealist. You discover that not all things are fair and equal. You start to question the man. You begin to vote against everything that is inherently evil. And that evil is either the Republican or Democratic party. You start classifying yourself as a "Libertarian." Here's a clue-Laissez-faire is a flawed system as well. Be smart and not dumb. Form your own opinions and we'll be fine...as long as you have the same opinions as me.
I hope you have enjoyed my blog, dear friends. Please remember that if you have any comments, questions or concerns about the written material, please email your mom.
It must be stated first and foremost that I am a cougar. Best Friend Cougar, that is. This term was lovingly coined by one of my very dear and special friends, Mandy Koohi. She is brilliant, clever, gorgeous and has amazing hair. She is also 18 years old. Now before you get all ooooged out, calm down. It is a very normal relationship. Every time I talk with her, I feel like I'm talking to my 18 year old self. Which leads me to this weeks subject-What you don't know, will HURT you. The Freshman Five is the list of life lessons you need to know to get through your late teens and early twenties. Not just get through by the skin of your teeth but triumph in a way that you can shake your fist at the people that are dumber than a box of hair and say "Ha ha-you're dumb and I'm not."
1. Finances-You will always be bitten in the boo-tay by one person and one person alone, the credit card company debt collector. This isn't free money. You qualify for $500 or $1,000 credit card and instantly you are soaring through the aisles of Target buying crap you don't need or buying Chili's for you and your roommate because you don't feel like eating Steak Tar-tar made out of Spam in the dining hall. You don't pay your bill and that $20 dream purchase turns into a $45 nightmare.
2. Education-College IS important. No matter what your head says at 8:00 on a Wednesday morning when you are exhausted from hanging out at the local watering hole for $2 Tuesdays, get up and go to class. When you are so tired that you can't keep your eyes open, gulp coffee and get back to studying. Graduating from college means more than a piece of paper it means you persevered and stuck through all the crap that was thrown your way.
3. Social-Speaking of crap thrown your way, get ready to shovel the proverbial poo. You will get a bad roommate or twelve. You will get a horrible professor. You will get stabbed in the back, SEVERAL times. You will get your heart broken. SEVERAL times. You will make it through all of this, EVERY time. Bad roommates make you more considerate of every one's belongings. Horrible professors teach you that you aren't always right. Back stabbing teaches you to defend yourself. Heart ache teaches you that love, like life, is full of ups and downs.
4. Fashion-Just because you are tired, that is no excuse to go out of your dorm room in your freakin' pajamas. Just because you are single, that is no excuse to leave your room looking like a hooker. Just because you are in a relationship, that is no excuse to only wear a t-shirt and jeans around your significant other. Just because you are fat, that is no excuse to dress like a fat person. Just because you are skinny, that is no reason for us to see your crack from the top of your jeans. Dress nicely people. Do it for yourself. And if not for yourself, do it for me because I don't want to see your ugly outfits.
5. Politics-At the ripe age of 18/19, you slowly start to realize you don't share the same opinions that your parents have. That, coupled with a few courses in higher education, makes you an idealist. You discover that not all things are fair and equal. You start to question the man. You begin to vote against everything that is inherently evil. And that evil is either the Republican or Democratic party. You start classifying yourself as a "Libertarian." Here's a clue-Laissez-faire is a flawed system as well. Be smart and not dumb. Form your own opinions and we'll be fine...as long as you have the same opinions as me.
I hope you have enjoyed my blog, dear friends. Please remember that if you have any comments, questions or concerns about the written material, please email your mom.
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