All right Ladies, what's the deal? I find it hard to believe that you are that excited about the Rangers or that upset about the Cowboys getting owned by anyone and everyone. Hell, Liam plays better ball than those fools and he has a bum kidney. I'm not saying that you can't be supportive of a sports organization especially considering the economics and how it will help the city of Arlington, not to mention the entire metroplex.
However, it is difficult for me to grasp the concept that you honestly like any sports team on your own accord. It all started somewhere. And that somewhere has a penis. It started one Sunday afternoon when your first serious boyfriend wanted to hang out at the house, alone, and you being insecure (albeit because we all were at that age) wormed your way over to his house. Now, had it been me and it was, I asked so many questions and made so many faces that he and I promptly broke up with one another citing irreconcilable differences. You, on the other hand, may have watched in feigned interest, asking only a few questions, in clarification, of course...The result of that afternoon is a life long affection of the Godforsaken sport. Why, God, why? He introduces you to Moliere or Reagonomics, not the inner sanctity of football or baseball for Christ's sake. Furthermore, they don't want you in their sanctuary. Men only pretend they do so you don't get mad and withhold sex or get upset and withhold sex or get mad and upset and withhold sex.
If you find yourself getting defensive then you know I'm right. If I'm wrong and you've always been a beer-swilling, sweatshirt-wearing, hell-raisin' Cowboys fan, then congratulations for you. I'm proud. When you want to come back to the land of the living, I'll welcome you back with open arms. I just might make you take a shower first to rid yourself of the stench of sports.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Evolution of Annie
Some of you may wonder how I became the person I am today. Some may think I'm fabulous; others may think I'm obnoxious. My response to those individuals is: “@*$! it if you can't take a joke.”
In all seriousness, I have no idea how I became who I am today. It could have started in several different pivotal moments in my life. My mother tells with fond affection of how I tapped, while in utero, to Billy Joel while he was on SNL. I may have become the person I am today when I started posing for the camera at the age of 16 months. Maybe it was being in Miss Sandra's dance class at the age of 3 hearing that Tyler twang, "Now suck your peanut butter and jelly sandwich in." I was 6 years old before I gave up the bottle-not liquor bottle, sicko, the baba. My mom asked me if I cared whether or not what people thought of me having a baba at the age of 5 or 6. My response was to pop the bottle out of my mouth and say, "I don't give a care." And to this day, I still don't. Either you get me or you don't.
But maybe what I want to say is that maybe people get you or they don't. If they do get you, then hug those people and tell then you love them. If they don't, then politely tell them to suck it. Our life is too short to make apologies to someone for this or that. Either they get it or they don't.
Most of you are lucky enough to know my family and how much I adore them. It is because of my mother, Bebe, Johnny and finally Tom that I have the foundation of fabulousness that I do. If you know my mother, she taught me that always looking your best can hide whatever insecurities you may have. If you know Bebe, she taught me that the Cosby Show plus cigarettes may indeed be the end-all solution to life's problems. If you know Johnny, he taught me that the psychological and physiological warfare between siblings can and does prepare you for any type of warfare you encounter. If you know Tom, well, you probably pray for him daily cause I sure as hell do. So the answer to the question is, all of you, family and friends both are the reason Annie is who she is.
Now before I get all sentimental on you let me say something-that girl sitting next to you has a huge a$$.
In all seriousness, I have no idea how I became who I am today. It could have started in several different pivotal moments in my life. My mother tells with fond affection of how I tapped, while in utero, to Billy Joel while he was on SNL. I may have become the person I am today when I started posing for the camera at the age of 16 months. Maybe it was being in Miss Sandra's dance class at the age of 3 hearing that Tyler twang, "Now suck your peanut butter and jelly sandwich in." I was 6 years old before I gave up the bottle-not liquor bottle, sicko, the baba. My mom asked me if I cared whether or not what people thought of me having a baba at the age of 5 or 6. My response was to pop the bottle out of my mouth and say, "I don't give a care." And to this day, I still don't. Either you get me or you don't.
But maybe what I want to say is that maybe people get you or they don't. If they do get you, then hug those people and tell then you love them. If they don't, then politely tell them to suck it. Our life is too short to make apologies to someone for this or that. Either they get it or they don't.
Most of you are lucky enough to know my family and how much I adore them. It is because of my mother, Bebe, Johnny and finally Tom that I have the foundation of fabulousness that I do. If you know my mother, she taught me that always looking your best can hide whatever insecurities you may have. If you know Bebe, she taught me that the Cosby Show plus cigarettes may indeed be the end-all solution to life's problems. If you know Johnny, he taught me that the psychological and physiological warfare between siblings can and does prepare you for any type of warfare you encounter. If you know Tom, well, you probably pray for him daily cause I sure as hell do. So the answer to the question is, all of you, family and friends both are the reason Annie is who she is.
Now before I get all sentimental on you let me say something-that girl sitting next to you has a huge a$$.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Like a Virgin...
Of course, as soon as I start a blog I'll stop being funny and turn into some boring person, like my mother-in-law. Sheesh, let's pray to God that I never let that happen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)