Ah, Ladies and Gentlemen, that time of year is upon us. The time of year when you are masticating on pencils and drinking massive amounts of alcohol not to mention yelling obscenities at your spouse. No, I'm not talking about the holiday season. I'm talking about tax time. Tomorrow, Monday, April 18, is a day where you are either a top or bottom. You are getting while the getting is good or are begging for mercy (what? too soon?) What gets me is that people get excited about their tax refund. Hello, he-who-has-no-brains! This is your money!!! You didn't win the freakin' lottery. This is YOUR money that THEY have had tax-free. Here's my deal-if they get to mess with us, why can't we mess with them? Isn't turnabout supposed to be fair play? Apparently not because the IRS is an entity that is hated more than Osama bin Laden. Seriously, I'd much rather have him over for dinner than some jack-off from the IRS.
Every year at tax time, people always say that they will make better financial decisions next year but never do. So, for this weeks blog I have decided to share a few tips that are ingenious enough to maybe make you be a better and more financially sound individual.
1. Listen to your gut - This has nothing to do with relatives borrowing money. This has to do with Starbucks charging $9 dollars for 16 ounces of a 500 calorie drink. Stop lying to yourself, there is no such thing as a Skinny Vanilla Latte if you are eating a cookie along with it.
2. Protect your ass-ets that is - Always, always look out for number one so you don't step in number two (thank you Mr. Dangerfield). Seriously, if you don't have a good retirement but have money for your children's college fund, something might be wrong. There are no such things as retirement loans.
3. The Blame Game makes you Lame - If you know more about the Kardashians or American Idol than the financial world, you are LAME. When you don't feel confident in your knowledge of how money works, you'll blame everyone under the sun when you develop a toxic pattern of bad financial decisions. Here's a hint: that inheritance can only go so far.
Please know that I am really great at dispensing this type of advice but have no plans whatsoever to follow my own advice. Have a fabulous week! I'm off to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Annie's Spring Cleaning Tips
Every spring we are inundated with Spring Cleaning Tips. They tell us to do this or do that as if our lives will magically change just because we organize our sock drawer. Better yet, we can see our lives more clearly if we deep clean our windows. Yeah, right, Martha.
Never fear, my faithful friends, I have your Spring Cleaning List that may or may not magically change your life. It is simply meant to give you a little clarity on the things that make you crazy. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE WHINEY OR UNSTABLE OR JUST STUPID.
1. Clean your glasses (not your windows) - I'm telling you this as someone who loves you, not some a$$hole who is into friendly fire (someone who pretends to be your friend but shoots you down all the time in a lame effort to make themselves look better). Stop making excuses for the crappy things in your life and see things for how they really are. If you don't like those things, change them. If you do like them, don't change them. Just don't make lame excuses for things. Example: I am addicted to reruns of The Hills. No longer will I say, "Oh, it's just on the TV." I will proudly stand up and say that I am a sad, pathetic middle aged EIHFPOw8g4rinhv-[
0awerniobvr0EIRG8HEN;SERG9J'90fgw394josngfrieegoeng...I'm sorry that was me fainting on the keyboard because I just now realized that I'm middle aged.
2. Dust your soul (not your light bulbs) - For God's sake, we have vaginal rejuvenation nowadays but yet people won't revive their soul. Go out with your girlfriends or do freaky deaky stuff with your husband. Read a new book or vote on the other side of the political spectrum. Do something different with your life. Wave your freak flag or shake your money maker. Just don't do both at the same time-you might hurt yourself or worse-your husband might want repeat performances on a nightly basis.
3. Stock your Bar (not your stain fighting kit) - Why? Because sometimes you need to drink. Especially on those days when you rather chew your arm off than go to work.
4. Purge your Friends &/or Family (not your closet) - Let's face it, Honey, you have some really toxic friends or worse yet frenemies or even worse-toxic family members. Why is that we keep some people in our lives for ridiculous reasons? None more ridiculous than the fact you have known them forever or that you share the same DNA. Seriously, if they are a tool, stop talking to them. What is even more frustrating is that society tells us that WE are BAD people for getting rid of those people?? But yet they are never admonished for being stupid buttholes.
5. Purge your closet (and I mean your closet) - Honey, it has to be said. There are some things in your closet that would make Liberace grimace. If a hooker or drag queen can wear it, then it doesn't belong in your closet. Let it also be said, that if a child can fit into your clothes, you might want to give those away as well.
I hope my little list has helped you in some way. Enjoy the rest of your week! I hope it is as fabulous as you are.
Never fear, my faithful friends, I have your Spring Cleaning List that may or may not magically change your life. It is simply meant to give you a little clarity on the things that make you crazy. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE WHINEY OR UNSTABLE OR JUST STUPID.
1. Clean your glasses (not your windows) - I'm telling you this as someone who loves you, not some a$$hole who is into friendly fire (someone who pretends to be your friend but shoots you down all the time in a lame effort to make themselves look better). Stop making excuses for the crappy things in your life and see things for how they really are. If you don't like those things, change them. If you do like them, don't change them. Just don't make lame excuses for things. Example: I am addicted to reruns of The Hills. No longer will I say, "Oh, it's just on the TV." I will proudly stand up and say that I am a sad, pathetic middle aged EIHFPOw8g4rinhv-[
0awerniobvr0EIRG8HEN;SERG9J'90fgw394josngfrieegoeng...I'm sorry that was me fainting on the keyboard because I just now realized that I'm middle aged.
2. Dust your soul (not your light bulbs) - For God's sake, we have vaginal rejuvenation nowadays but yet people won't revive their soul. Go out with your girlfriends or do freaky deaky stuff with your husband. Read a new book or vote on the other side of the political spectrum. Do something different with your life. Wave your freak flag or shake your money maker. Just don't do both at the same time-you might hurt yourself or worse-your husband might want repeat performances on a nightly basis.
3. Stock your Bar (not your stain fighting kit) - Why? Because sometimes you need to drink. Especially on those days when you rather chew your arm off than go to work.
4. Purge your Friends &/or Family (not your closet) - Let's face it, Honey, you have some really toxic friends or worse yet frenemies or even worse-toxic family members. Why is that we keep some people in our lives for ridiculous reasons? None more ridiculous than the fact you have known them forever or that you share the same DNA. Seriously, if they are a tool, stop talking to them. What is even more frustrating is that society tells us that WE are BAD people for getting rid of those people?? But yet they are never admonished for being stupid buttholes.
5. Purge your closet (and I mean your closet) - Honey, it has to be said. There are some things in your closet that would make Liberace grimace. If a hooker or drag queen can wear it, then it doesn't belong in your closet. Let it also be said, that if a child can fit into your clothes, you might want to give those away as well.
I hope my little list has helped you in some way. Enjoy the rest of your week! I hope it is as fabulous as you are.
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